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| Power Style Wellness Connections |
Tear Down Your Fort
I believe that the human personality has a natural, built-in inclination
to reveal itself. By Bob Mueller
After a snowfall of sticky snow, my friends and I would build a big snow fort. Then we
would produce snowballs and prepare for battle. The team who built the best snow
fort usually won because it provided the best protection. Are you looking for
protection? Are you still building forts when you meet people or spend time with
family? Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you may have such strong, high walls in
front of you that even your most ardent friends can’t get over them.
I believe that the human personality has a natural, built-in inclination to reveal itself.
When that inclination is blocked, and we close ourselves to others, we get into
emotional difficulties.
People with deep and lasting friendships always cultivate openness and transparency.
I’ve always admired former first lady Betty Ford because of her candor. Once, when a
newsman even went so far as to ask how often she slept with her husband, she
replied, “As often as I can.” She was always transparent about her battles with alcohol
and drugs.
We build walls around ourselves for a number of reasons. We want to be cool, tough,
and self-reliant. We fear rejection. To take a step of openness and then have a friend
walk away can be devastating. And yet I have found that self-disclosure has the
opposite effect. When people take off their masks, others are drawn to them.
When we express our love for another, life softens. Whether we’re the recipients of
love or the givers, we still share in the promised rewards, the greatest of which is the
knowledge that we belong, that others know us. We know that we’re not alone when
we feel another’s love and when we have someone to love. Our lives are rich and
fulfilling in proportion to the love we exchange.
We cheat ourselves of the real pleasure in living when we hold ourselves back from
someone close. Tearing down the barriers that separate us is exhilarating. Only when
those barriers are down do we experience the full measure of the moment.
Each of us needs to be wholly known by another. Only then, in the act of
transparency, do we honestly confront ourselves. We learn in the process that our
fears and our shame about our secret selves are far greater than is warranted.
Silence about the “me” within distracts our perspective. Meeting another person fully
reveals to both a new reality about life.
How short and bland life seems when we cut ourselves off from the many experiences
and acquaintances that present themselves to us. When we back away from the
persons who have curiously crossed our paths, we back away from the lessons for
which earlier experiences and persons have prepared us. Our progress and our
success in life are both measured and nurtured by the number of genuine contacts
we make with the men and women who are sharing our space in time.Bob Mueller is
Vice President of Development, Hospice of Louisville, Southern Indiana and Central
Kentucky. He has three books: Look Forward Hopefully and The Gentle Art of Caring,
and his newest, Create a Better World.
Bob can be emailed at bobmueller@iamtodayswoman.com.
I believe that the human personality has a natural, built-in inclination
to reveal itself. By Bob Mueller
After a snowfall of sticky snow, my friends and I would build a big snow fort. Then we
would produce snowballs and prepare for battle. The team who built the best snow
fort usually won because it provided the best protection. Are you looking for
protection? Are you still building forts when you meet people or spend time with
family? Maybe you don’t even realize it, but you may have such strong, high walls in
front of you that even your most ardent friends can’t get over them.
I believe that the human personality has a natural, built-in inclination to reveal itself.
When that inclination is blocked, and we close ourselves to others, we get into
emotional difficulties.
People with deep and lasting friendships always cultivate openness and transparency.
I’ve always admired former first lady Betty Ford because of her candor. Once, when a
newsman even went so far as to ask how often she slept with her husband, she
replied, “As often as I can.” She was always transparent about her battles with alcohol
and drugs.
We build walls around ourselves for a number of reasons. We want to be cool, tough,
and self-reliant. We fear rejection. To take a step of openness and then have a friend
walk away can be devastating. And yet I have found that self-disclosure has the
opposite effect. When people take off their masks, others are drawn to them.
When we express our love for another, life softens. Whether we’re the recipients of
love or the givers, we still share in the promised rewards, the greatest of which is the
knowledge that we belong, that others know us. We know that we’re not alone when
we feel another’s love and when we have someone to love. Our lives are rich and
fulfilling in proportion to the love we exchange.
We cheat ourselves of the real pleasure in living when we hold ourselves back from
someone close. Tearing down the barriers that separate us is exhilarating. Only when
those barriers are down do we experience the full measure of the moment.
Each of us needs to be wholly known by another. Only then, in the act of
transparency, do we honestly confront ourselves. We learn in the process that our
fears and our shame about our secret selves are far greater than is warranted.
Silence about the “me” within distracts our perspective. Meeting another person fully
reveals to both a new reality about life.
How short and bland life seems when we cut ourselves off from the many experiences
and acquaintances that present themselves to us. When we back away from the
persons who have curiously crossed our paths, we back away from the lessons for
which earlier experiences and persons have prepared us. Our progress and our
success in life are both measured and nurtured by the number of genuine contacts
we make with the men and women who are sharing our space in time.Bob Mueller is
Vice President of Development, Hospice of Louisville, Southern Indiana and Central
Kentucky. He has three books: Look Forward Hopefully and The Gentle Art of Caring,
and his newest, Create a Better World.
Bob can be emailed at bobmueller@iamtodayswoman.com.