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| Power Style Wellness Connections |
Second Time Around
By Barbara Bryant
The world today has drastically changed, and out of
necessity, the rules of wedding etiquette have been
modified to conform to include special etiquette for second
marriages. For many couples getting married today, it’s
common to have been married before. In the past, planning
a second marriage was unheard of. Couples would elope or
have a simple ceremony inviting family and close friends.
Today, they ask: How big should the second wedding be?
Should I wear white? What about gifts?
While some couples still choose a simple wedding, others
decide to make a second wedding beautiful, romantic and
more meaningful by tailoring the wedding ceremony to their
individual situations. There is actually no right or wrong way to celebrate a second, third
or even a fourth marriage. Each wedding situation is different. The important thing to
remember about the ceremony you plan is what works for you. Think about your family
customs, religion, finances, and individual personalities.
WEDDING ISSUES:
1. Invitations: Usually, there are two options: 1st: If you are a young bride or divorcee —
your parents extend the invitation as though it were a first wedding using the bride-to-be’
s married name if she has retained it — or her first and middle name if not. 2nd: For a
more mature bride-to-be — it is appropriate to issue the invitation in her own name and
the name of her future husband.
2. Wedding gown: Even though wearing white no longer symbolizes purity, encore brides
are opting for colorful dresses, a simple suit or gowns and accessories. When deciding
what to wear on your special day, consider your age and figure before making your
selection. If you are over age 40, you may not want something that is too frilly or too
long.
3. Wedding Party: If it is the first wedding for either bride or groom, it is quite normal to
want to have the bridesmaids and groomsmen. If it is the second marriage for both, it is
common to dispense with the wedding party. Encore brides may choose to be given
away by their father again, by a brother, or I have even seen a son walk his mother
down the aisle, but they may think it silly to be given away again and choose to walk
down the aisle alone. It is acceptable for each of them to have someone to stand with
them during the ceremony.
4. Financial Responsibility: When it is the second marriage for both, it is common
practice that the couple assumes the responsibility of paying for the wedding. However,
it is not uncommon for the parents to offer some financial help if they wish.
5. Gifts: If you wish not to receive gifts, as most couples getting married a second time
do, it is not appropriate to include a note about ‘no gifts’ with the invitation. Mention this
to your friends and family and have them pass the word along that you prefer that
people did not feel obliged to bring gifts. You may still get a few gifts.
This is your wedding day, only you and your future spouse can make it happen the way
you want it. Plan it the way you want, be happy, and enjoy it!
take the etiquette challenge
What type of dress should the mothers of the bride and groom wear for a formal
wedding?
(A) Floor length.
(B) Tea length.
(C) Just below the knee frilly suit.
(D) Flowing long gown.
Answer: A, B — Determining the right attire for the wedding depends on many factors,
time of day, location, and formality of the bride’s dress. Should we send wedding
invitations to our parents and the members of the wedding party?
Short answer is yes. Even though they know the date of the wedding and are part of the
wedding, they might enjoy having the invitation to remember the day. It’s also a nice
gesture to send one.
My fiancé and I are planning a winter wedding. Between the two of us, we have a lot of
family that live out of state. I know this is a concern to my parents. My question to you is:
Are we obligated to arrange and pay for accommodations for out-of-town guests? This
would really put a hardship on our families.
No — the tradition has been that out-of-town wedding guests are responsible for their
accommodations and transportation themselves.
You can email questions to Barbara Bryant at barbarabryant@iamtodayswoman.com
By Barbara Bryant
The world today has drastically changed, and out of
necessity, the rules of wedding etiquette have been
modified to conform to include special etiquette for second
marriages. For many couples getting married today, it’s
common to have been married before. In the past, planning
a second marriage was unheard of. Couples would elope or
have a simple ceremony inviting family and close friends.
Today, they ask: How big should the second wedding be?
Should I wear white? What about gifts?
While some couples still choose a simple wedding, others
decide to make a second wedding beautiful, romantic and
more meaningful by tailoring the wedding ceremony to their
individual situations. There is actually no right or wrong way to celebrate a second, third
or even a fourth marriage. Each wedding situation is different. The important thing to
remember about the ceremony you plan is what works for you. Think about your family
customs, religion, finances, and individual personalities.
WEDDING ISSUES:
1. Invitations: Usually, there are two options: 1st: If you are a young bride or divorcee —
your parents extend the invitation as though it were a first wedding using the bride-to-be’
s married name if she has retained it — or her first and middle name if not. 2nd: For a
more mature bride-to-be — it is appropriate to issue the invitation in her own name and
the name of her future husband.
2. Wedding gown: Even though wearing white no longer symbolizes purity, encore brides
are opting for colorful dresses, a simple suit or gowns and accessories. When deciding
what to wear on your special day, consider your age and figure before making your
selection. If you are over age 40, you may not want something that is too frilly or too
long.
3. Wedding Party: If it is the first wedding for either bride or groom, it is quite normal to
want to have the bridesmaids and groomsmen. If it is the second marriage for both, it is
common to dispense with the wedding party. Encore brides may choose to be given
away by their father again, by a brother, or I have even seen a son walk his mother
down the aisle, but they may think it silly to be given away again and choose to walk
down the aisle alone. It is acceptable for each of them to have someone to stand with
them during the ceremony.
4. Financial Responsibility: When it is the second marriage for both, it is common
practice that the couple assumes the responsibility of paying for the wedding. However,
it is not uncommon for the parents to offer some financial help if they wish.
5. Gifts: If you wish not to receive gifts, as most couples getting married a second time
do, it is not appropriate to include a note about ‘no gifts’ with the invitation. Mention this
to your friends and family and have them pass the word along that you prefer that
people did not feel obliged to bring gifts. You may still get a few gifts.
This is your wedding day, only you and your future spouse can make it happen the way
you want it. Plan it the way you want, be happy, and enjoy it!
take the etiquette challenge
What type of dress should the mothers of the bride and groom wear for a formal
wedding?
(A) Floor length.
(B) Tea length.
(C) Just below the knee frilly suit.
(D) Flowing long gown.
Answer: A, B — Determining the right attire for the wedding depends on many factors,
time of day, location, and formality of the bride’s dress. Should we send wedding
invitations to our parents and the members of the wedding party?
Short answer is yes. Even though they know the date of the wedding and are part of the
wedding, they might enjoy having the invitation to remember the day. It’s also a nice
gesture to send one.
My fiancé and I are planning a winter wedding. Between the two of us, we have a lot of
family that live out of state. I know this is a concern to my parents. My question to you is:
Are we obligated to arrange and pay for accommodations for out-of-town guests? This
would really put a hardship on our families.
No — the tradition has been that out-of-town wedding guests are responsible for their
accommodations and transportation themselves.
You can email questions to Barbara Bryant at barbarabryant@iamtodayswoman.com
Wedding Stationery
Ensemble: The wedding
stationery ensemble has
grown to include the Save-
The-Date card: It is called
mandatory pre-wedding
etiquette, especially for
guests living out of state,
providing them with
enough time to plan and
obtain the best airline and
travel rates. It allows
families to schedule time
away from the office, any
budgeting concerns or
children’s school
schedules which may
have to be dealt with.
Some who have used the
card think it has
increased their positive
RSVP rate. This is how
you use the card:
*Once the engagement is
official, the card is mailed
out about six months in
advance of the wedding
and should mention that
an invitation to the
wedding will follow. (The
card matches your
wedding invitations and
bridal stationery.) Only
send this card to the
guests who will be
receiving a formal
wedding invitation. No
response is required from
the save-the-date card.
*The save-the-date card
should be kept simple. It
should include the date of
the upcoming nuptials,
the names of the happy
couple, and the location.
Ensemble: The wedding
stationery ensemble has
grown to include the Save-
The-Date card: It is called
mandatory pre-wedding
etiquette, especially for
guests living out of state,
providing them with
enough time to plan and
obtain the best airline and
travel rates. It allows
families to schedule time
away from the office, any
budgeting concerns or
children’s school
schedules which may
have to be dealt with.
Some who have used the
card think it has
increased their positive
RSVP rate. This is how
you use the card:
*Once the engagement is
official, the card is mailed
out about six months in
advance of the wedding
and should mention that
an invitation to the
wedding will follow. (The
card matches your
wedding invitations and
bridal stationery.) Only
send this card to the
guests who will be
receiving a formal
wedding invitation. No
response is required from
the save-the-date card.
*The save-the-date card
should be kept simple. It
should include the date of
the upcoming nuptials,
the names of the happy
couple, and the location.