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journeys: Keeping Secrets
By Cheryl Stuck
“Secrets are the most damaging thing for a child.”
— Eileen Fawcett
Eileen Fawcett loved her father, but she wasn't allowed
to call him "Dad." Instead, she and her siblings called
him “Hody,” a nickname she came up with at age two.
The family lived in secrecy because Hody lived a
double life — one in Jeffersonville, Ind., as the father
of six children, and the other in North Dakota, where he was a Roman Catholic priest,
who was not supposed to be married.
“We always knew he was a priest,” Eileen said, “but no one outside our little house
knew…” Hody would show up at the door with a big trunk and stay for a number of
months, then leave.
Although Hody died when Eileen was 11, she kept the secret, not even telling her
closest friends in high school. But her silence took its toll on her emotional well-being
and self-esteem. The children never knew any of their relatives, not even their
grandparents, so they had no family support system.
Eileen finally broke her silence when she became engaged at age 20. She knew she
had to tell her future husband the truth. She gathered her courage, swore him to
secrecy, then in tears told him the story. The couple got married and had two
children. The marriage lasted 17 years.
When her mother was stricken with Alzheimer’s, Eileen went for counseling to ease
her depression. “I realized that in order to love myself, I had to love both my parents
and forgive them for the difficult life (the secret) caused me,” she said. The mother
who had confided her deepest secrets to her daughter didn’t even recognize her.
Finding it too difficult to cope with, Eileen didn’t see her mother for seven years.
Finally, she felt the need “to forgive her for anything I thought she had done to me
and to ask her forgiveness for all the times I may not have understood her.”
Eileen knelt in front of her mother at the nursing home, saying over and over, “I love
you, I love you,” and watched her eyes for a glimmer of recognition, but there was
none. “But it didn’t matter, it was healing for my soul,” Eileen said. Then she felt a
hand on her arm and her mother said, “Eileen.”
Not long after that visit, Eileen’s mother died.
In her early 50s she began a quest to find her father’s family. Realizing she knew
nothing about him, not even his birthday, she asked for help from a pastor and a
bishop of the Catholic Church. She located the towns where her father had parishes
and began making phone calls. She found a cousin, who invited her to a family
reunion in North Dakota where she met over 50 relatives. “When I met these people,
it was like — you’re just like me — I know who you are…I fit…we look alike. It finally
let me know who I am, because I’m part of them. It gave me my identity.”
Eileen is now happily married to her husband of 14 years, and between the two they
have nine grandchildren. She feels at peace with her mother, and has relatives to
keep in touch with. She is currently writing a book about her father, the priest.
If you know a woman who has had a life-changing experience, please email:
cherylstuck@iamtodayswoman.com.
By Cheryl Stuck
“Secrets are the most damaging thing for a child.”
— Eileen Fawcett
Eileen Fawcett loved her father, but she wasn't allowed
to call him "Dad." Instead, she and her siblings called
him “Hody,” a nickname she came up with at age two.
The family lived in secrecy because Hody lived a
double life — one in Jeffersonville, Ind., as the father
of six children, and the other in North Dakota, where he was a Roman Catholic priest,
who was not supposed to be married.
“We always knew he was a priest,” Eileen said, “but no one outside our little house
knew…” Hody would show up at the door with a big trunk and stay for a number of
months, then leave.
Although Hody died when Eileen was 11, she kept the secret, not even telling her
closest friends in high school. But her silence took its toll on her emotional well-being
and self-esteem. The children never knew any of their relatives, not even their
grandparents, so they had no family support system.
Eileen finally broke her silence when she became engaged at age 20. She knew she
had to tell her future husband the truth. She gathered her courage, swore him to
secrecy, then in tears told him the story. The couple got married and had two
children. The marriage lasted 17 years.
When her mother was stricken with Alzheimer’s, Eileen went for counseling to ease
her depression. “I realized that in order to love myself, I had to love both my parents
and forgive them for the difficult life (the secret) caused me,” she said. The mother
who had confided her deepest secrets to her daughter didn’t even recognize her.
Finding it too difficult to cope with, Eileen didn’t see her mother for seven years.
Finally, she felt the need “to forgive her for anything I thought she had done to me
and to ask her forgiveness for all the times I may not have understood her.”
Eileen knelt in front of her mother at the nursing home, saying over and over, “I love
you, I love you,” and watched her eyes for a glimmer of recognition, but there was
none. “But it didn’t matter, it was healing for my soul,” Eileen said. Then she felt a
hand on her arm and her mother said, “Eileen.”
Not long after that visit, Eileen’s mother died.
In her early 50s she began a quest to find her father’s family. Realizing she knew
nothing about him, not even his birthday, she asked for help from a pastor and a
bishop of the Catholic Church. She located the towns where her father had parishes
and began making phone calls. She found a cousin, who invited her to a family
reunion in North Dakota where she met over 50 relatives. “When I met these people,
it was like — you’re just like me — I know who you are…I fit…we look alike. It finally
let me know who I am, because I’m part of them. It gave me my identity.”
Eileen is now happily married to her husband of 14 years, and between the two they
have nine grandchildren. She feels at peace with her mother, and has relatives to
keep in touch with. She is currently writing a book about her father, the priest.
If you know a woman who has had a life-changing experience, please email:
cherylstuck@iamtodayswoman.com.
