later living
JOURNAL

…After a couple of hours
of visiting with Daddy in the hospital, I tell him
that I need to go check  on Mother, but I promise
to return for lunch.While there, the phone rings and a woman
identifying herself as clinical coordinator  for the hospital starts to speak.
“Are you their daughter?”
“Yes.”
“And you live with them?”
“No.” (I’m thinking, “I only feel like I do.”)

She informs me that Daddy has been evaluated by the nursing staff and physical
therapists, and they have concluded that he will be unable to return home without
full-time care. After hitting me with this, she adds that he can only stay another
week, two at the most, at the hospital so I need to find a nursing home facility as
soon as possible.

I feel my senses reeling as I struggle to take in this latest news. When did living or
dying become so complicated? Telling Mother what the woman said was hard
enough, but telling Daddy back at the hospital was the worst. He looked so pitiful
and scared. He didn’t argue or complain. He seemed resigned — almost defeated
— nothing like Daddy.  

After a long silence I finally ask, “Daddy, what are you thinking?”
Quietly he answers, “Reckon I’m just wonderin’ what’s gonna become a me.”
I try to reassure him that we won’t do anything that he doesn’t want, but can I
assure him that he’ll get stronger, not weaker? He looks at me with hopelessness,
and my heart aches. I want to tell him I won’t let him fall anymore or forget
anymore, or vomit his food again. I want to tell him everything is going to be okay,
but we both know it won’t. Nothing will ever be the same again
for Daddy, Mother, or me. Death is real, and it gets closer every day.

— Connie Meyer

Journal Tip: In the death-denying culture we live in, it is hard to think about loved
ones dying, much less really discuss it. As we all face longer lives we need to talk
to our parents and our children about what our wishes are for the ending of our
lives. Taking the time to make/discuss a living will makes decisions so much
easier. Talk to your parents about what they want before you are forced to make
the decisions for them.