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JOURNAL
…Matt is 14 today. He is going with me for the first time to the nursing
home to help me take Daddy home for a visit.
I know Matt is nervous about seeing Granddaddy there, but he hides it well.
When the nurse comes in, Daddy proudly tells her about his grandson who
plays tennis and is 14 today.We have birthday cake for Matt when we get
Daddy home. Daddy’s niece and her husband make a surprise visit which
really helps the day. I take Matt home before I take Daddy back to the
nursing home. Mother insists on going with us.
Once we get him back to his room, Daddy looks exhausted. When Mother
and I finally tell him good-bye, he starts to cry gritting his teeth like a
toddler. I immediately try to soothe him.
“It’s alright to cry, Daddy. I know it’s hard to leave home. You cry if you
want to.”
“I just want to stay in my own chair at my own home and not have to move a
‘tall!” Daddy says.
“I know, Daddy, and you’ll be home in your chair for good soon. You’re
getting stronger every day.”
As I say the words I feel like I’m trapped in a huge body of water with
Mother on one side and Daddy on the other. They’re both drowning, and I
can’t even swim. Still I’m trying to figure out how to save them. The worst
part is knowing that tomorrow I will re-live the same rescue scene all over
again, and who knows how many days after that? I feel like an old 45
record that is scratched and stuck. I can’t decide if I want someone to push
me forward or take me off and stomp on me.
Journal Tip: Caring for seriously ill parents is stressful on the entire family.
It is normal to feel torn between your parents and your children. I had to
constantly remind myself that it was okay to feel exhausted and confused in
a difficult situation. Feeling guilty is one of the most difficult emotions of
care giving. No matter how much I did, I always felt like it wasn’t enough.
The caregiver must find a way to come to terms with feeling guilty or you
will use yourself up. Remember you must take care of you if you are going
to be able to give care to others.
Conne Meyer is sharing parts of the journal she kept while caring for her
mother and father when both were ill. Each month’s journal entries can be
found online at www.iamtodayswoman.com. You may contact Connie at
conniemeyer@iamtodayswoman.com.
…Matt is 14 today. He is going with me for the first time to the nursing
home to help me take Daddy home for a visit.
I know Matt is nervous about seeing Granddaddy there, but he hides it well.
When the nurse comes in, Daddy proudly tells her about his grandson who
plays tennis and is 14 today.We have birthday cake for Matt when we get
Daddy home. Daddy’s niece and her husband make a surprise visit which
really helps the day. I take Matt home before I take Daddy back to the
nursing home. Mother insists on going with us.
Once we get him back to his room, Daddy looks exhausted. When Mother
and I finally tell him good-bye, he starts to cry gritting his teeth like a
toddler. I immediately try to soothe him.
“It’s alright to cry, Daddy. I know it’s hard to leave home. You cry if you
want to.”
“I just want to stay in my own chair at my own home and not have to move a
‘tall!” Daddy says.
“I know, Daddy, and you’ll be home in your chair for good soon. You’re
getting stronger every day.”
As I say the words I feel like I’m trapped in a huge body of water with
Mother on one side and Daddy on the other. They’re both drowning, and I
can’t even swim. Still I’m trying to figure out how to save them. The worst
part is knowing that tomorrow I will re-live the same rescue scene all over
again, and who knows how many days after that? I feel like an old 45
record that is scratched and stuck. I can’t decide if I want someone to push
me forward or take me off and stomp on me.
Journal Tip: Caring for seriously ill parents is stressful on the entire family.
It is normal to feel torn between your parents and your children. I had to
constantly remind myself that it was okay to feel exhausted and confused in
a difficult situation. Feeling guilty is one of the most difficult emotions of
care giving. No matter how much I did, I always felt like it wasn’t enough.
The caregiver must find a way to come to terms with feeling guilty or you
will use yourself up. Remember you must take care of you if you are going
to be able to give care to others.
Conne Meyer is sharing parts of the journal she kept while caring for her
mother and father when both were ill. Each month’s journal entries can be
found online at www.iamtodayswoman.com. You may contact Connie at
conniemeyer@iamtodayswoman.com.